Postpartum — Postpartum/ Year 1 — The New Parent Diaries

I am mother

By Chelsea C.

Moon flushed and bare feet holding
grass between toes singing, swaying:
I am mother.

Postpartum, Year 1Ellie LotanFebruary 11, 2025identity shifts, physical recovery, learning to parentComment

The First Hurdle

By Gino P-N

January 2021

Taishan’s birth was like completing a marathon then realizing I’m actually in an Iron Man Triathlon in reverse. I trained for months and mentally prepared for the race, which I barely survived, but I made it to the finish line! Before I can even savor a deep breath or a sip of water, I’m told that I still have to bike for 112 miles and swim 2.4 miles. I don't know how to swim, and I don't have a bicycle.

Postpartum, Labor/BirthEllie LotanApril 10, 2024feeding, physical recovery, non-gestational parent, stayathomedad, 40+, support systemComment

A First Time Parent's Musings From The Fourth Trimester

By Amy R.

*This post was written following an uncomplicated & positive vaginal birth. Honoring all the birthing bodies and their individual & unique roads to recovery! And all the varied postpartum experiences!*

*Written in bullet points because complete sentences are not a thing in the fourth trimester.*

PostpartumEllie LotanFebruary 10, 2023fourth trimester, postpartum, developmental milestones Comment

Weaning

By Anonymous

My breastfeeding journey has come to an end. Today I feel relieved about it. I have more energy at work and at home. My life has gotten a lot easier.

Postpartum, Year 1Ellie LotanDecember 6, 2022weaning, feedingComment

Love is Blind

By Talia C.

Part I: The pods

It was pretty weird getting to know her in the pods. I mean, I couldn’t see her, and she couldn’t see me! But we were connected through this wall, and it felt real.

Postpartum, Pregnancy, Labor/BirthEllie LotanNovember 29, 2022Comment

The Three Minute Appointment I Waited Six Weeks For

By Tess P.

I don't even know where to start or how to phrase it.

The night before, I went back and forth on bringing my daughter to my first 6 week appointment because I did not want to leave her for the first time. I ended up making my husband come with me and sit in the car with her while I went to my check up. I got there 10 minutes late because it was the first time leaving the house, and it was more difficult than I thought it was going to be...

PostpartumEllie LotanSeptember 30, 2022physical recovery, medical care, support system, feedingComment

Exclusively Breastfeeding

By Anonymous

We are exclusively breastfeeding our baby. I’ve recently learned this just means only breastmilk, not only on the breast. Bottle feeding breastmilk, still counts as exclusively breastfeeding. When I say it, I mean we are only feeding our baby at my breast. So far, at least.

PostpartumEllie LotanSeptember 15, 2022feedingComment

Tapping Out Of The Nap Fight

By Hannah R.

For the first almost four months of your life, we lived in bliss. You woke and boldly took in everything around you, fed greedily from my body and then fell deeply asleep. I naively thought "this parenting thing is way easier than my anxieties/society had led me to believe". Then stuck inside for 13 days in isolation, the dreaded "4 month sleep regression" occurred.

PostpartumEllie LotanSeptember 4, 2022sleep, sleep regression, mental health, guiltComment

Identity

By Ayala P.

Somehow I thought I wouldn’t change *that much* after becoming a parent. I had tons of childcare experience and I naively thought a baby would fit seamlessly into my life. It was around six months postpartum that I realized just how much I had transformed, and that I needed time and attention to get to know myself again.

PostpartumEllie LotanAugust 30, 2022queerfam, identity shiftsComment

Soaking Up The Snuggles

By Anonymous

Every time I nurse you to sleep
I tip toe to the crib with you
Careful not to wake you

PostpartumEllie LotanAugust 25, 2022sleepComment

Postpartum Hair Loss

By Anonymous

Why the eff does nobody warn you about this? Or maybe they do, but they don’t go into detail. Clumps of hair between my fingers every shower.

PostpartumEllie LotanAugust 25, 2022body image, hair lossComment

Formula Family

By Ellie L.

It never occurred to me that breastfeeding wouldn't work out. But it didn't. We're a formula family and I accept that now, tho I still have pangs of grief about the kind of bond I imagine breastfeeding creates. And at the same time, I can't imagine breastfeeding now.

PostpartumEllie LotanAugust 22, 2022feeding, mental healthComment

Goodbye Career

By Anonymous

I didn't quit until after having my second child. I didn't even last a month after my return from maternity leave. I mustered the courage and took the plunge. I wouldn't do that shit again.

PostpartumEllie LotanAugust 22, 2022back to work, guilt, identity shiftsComment

Not Guilty

By Anonymous

Sometimes the best way to help my 4 mo old fall asleep in the car is to put my hand on them and otherwise completely and totally ignore. Then I proceed to doom scroll Instagram on my phone. No eye contact. No worrying. No hand movement. An indeterminate amount of time goes by and then they’re asleep.

PostpartumEllie LotanAugust 20, 2022sleep, guiltComment

The First Appointment

By Alicia E.

“Do I look like a mommy?” I ask my husband as I hold our son in my ring sling. “Yes, you do. Now let’s get this mommy and baby out the door and to the doctors!” We stumble to the car with the overly packed diaper bag.

PostpartumEllie LotanAugust 15, 2022feeding, guiltComment

New Me, Same Patterns

By Ellie L.

While I feel in many ways like a different person than who I was before the baby, my old psychological patterns are still here, just now applied to parenthood: for me, the big ones are anxious attachment and perfectionism.

PostpartumEllie LotanJune 21, 2022mental health, body image Comment

On Guilt and Fear

By Mika G.

When I brought you back home from the hospital, the excitement of determining my own parenting style flowed through my veins.

PostpartumEllie LotanMay 3, 2020mental health, PPD/PPA, guilt Comment

Postpartum/ The 1st Year