Identity

Somehow I thought I wouldn’t change *that much* after becoming a parent. I had tons of childcare experience, and I naively thought a baby would fit seamlessly into my life. It was around six months postpartum that I realized just how much I had transformed, and that I needed time and attention to get to know myself again.

I started (more directly) exploring my queer identity the year-or-so before getting pregnant and it got put on pause as all my attention went toward pregnancy and then our baby. Having a child in a hetero presenting marriage added a layer of complexity to my identity exploration and imposter syndrome. Through processing with friends, my husband, my therapist, and myself, I have found a greater sense of peace, acceptance and love for myself and my ever-evolving identity. I know at my core who I am and it’s questions like, “what do I like to do by myself?” “How do I connect with people outside talking about baby development?” “How do I bring my complex self forward more not just my mom-self?” That I’m exploring more now.

—By Ayala P.