Tapping Out Of The Nap Fight

For the first almost four months of your life, we lived in bliss. You woke and boldly took in everything around you, fed greedily from my body and then fell deeply asleep.

I naively thought "this parenting thing is way easier than my anxieties/society had led me to believe".

Then stuck inside for thirteen days in isolation, the dreaded "four-month sleep regression" occurred. The internet/my friends/mother's group/nurse told me that "sleep begets sleep" and the key to your nights would be naps.

So began months of dark rooms with black out curtains, patting, shushing and watching the clock for wake windows. Routine. Everything I hated. I thought obsessively about naps and sleep cycles. Anytime I gave up on extending your nap or found myself out and about during your "sweet spot", I was wracked with guilt.

I lost my confidence in my parenting and in you.

And your sleep still sucked.

A month ago, I read about a different approach to sleep, one that prioritized my mental health and taking joy in you (above naps and routine).

I'm beginning to get my groove back.

I'm unsubscribing from the Instagram accounts, ignoring the WhatsApp messages and we're finding our own path.

I'm no longer trying to make you into the mythical sleep-through-the-night baby.

I'm trying to take delight in all our waking hours together and take the rest when it comes.

—By Hannah R.