All the ways to say we just want one

By Chelsea C.

We tried for six months
but it’s not safe to keep going  
Now wait for a break in the waves 
My postpartum depression
has never let up,
so why add another to my plate? 
I guess it’s my diet,
or poor lifestyle choices 
or my husband's...

 I look around and see 
no one seems happy with more 
and the moms disappear, 
trod upon, tired to the bone.
And these words will trigger
all who have not touched their trauma,
But do save the books and clothes 
like a good mama   

Your kid should have a sibling but
what do I need? 
I need you to stop shooting poison
arrows at me 
The urge to procreate erase
pro from that statement 
To walk a new path that opens to a clearing 
with fresh air, space, and ease 

There’s an old crone singing 
Her glittering eye and brow arched
toward a place that is beyond 
Because invisible is the jar
You have to pry it open,
and the truth is, 
I am not willing to wait
for my freedom.

The irony is it only took one 
to get a taste of what I’ve never had. 

So how can I love and give and behave
because I can’t unsee
what is now gushing out of me, 
like blood, still potent.
I am just getting started.

— Chelsea C.